![]() I-I meant more, like, I'm not crazy about my forehead. Ok, let's go!įANNIE: What about you? Boom, boom, boom!įANNIE: Where's my Bull?! Oh, boy, you know, I bet boys and girls like you. Ok, Will, she's takin' my pants off.įANNIE: Cheap underwear. Before-before we start, I mean, is what I'm wearing ok? (FANNIE is getting ready to shoot the photo session with WILL and GRACE.)įANNIE: Come on, strap one on me! I'm ready to shoot. Watch as I double the number of people in the audience. ![]() Almost as pleasant to behold as Liza's new bride. KAREN: Honey, honey! I just had an idea for a trick! Now for my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, which would be a nice change of pace, seeing as they usually charge me. I haven't done that since my junior year at Sarah Lawrence. Now for my next trick, I will ask my lovely assistant to step inside the magic box. JACK: Didn't need any magic for that one. JACK: Now for my first trick, I will turn everyone in the audience gay. KAREN: Honey, you say "potato," I say, "vodka." KAREN: Good, 'cause I don't think I can wait any longer for some of that old Jack Daniels! JACK: In a young girl's heart? Music can free her whenever it starts. KAREN is assisting, wearing in a skimpy dress.) (JACK is performing his new magic act, wearing magician's cape and holding a magic wand. GRACE: I don't know, but we need to get a curtain like that for our house. They tend to fade into the background.įANNIE: Whoo! Ha ha! I am in the mood for F-ing life! WILL: Grace, I-I'm a model, so let me explain this to you. Instead, she's like sad clerk at Blockbuster. GRACE: What is the deal with her? I thought she'd be so dynamic. It brought two of my favorite things together.įANNIE: Hold on. I mean, I've gotta tell you, that picture of Bette Midler in the tub ofīaked beans. GRACE: We-we are huge- huge fans of your work. You guys won the, uh, gay auction, huh? Good for you. Get me a Red Bull and one of those candy necklaces. GRACE: Well, uh, we're pretty much drug free. and nothin' to show for it but a clean carpet and an empty bed. Just so you know, this is a drug free environment, all right? Fannie's about to get her 90-day chip, and we're all doin' our best to support her. WILL: Wait, uh, are you talking about that picture your dermatologist took of that freaky skin rash? People who've never been in front of a camera before. I beat out two lesbians with a Chihuahua. WILL: I-I won the family portrait at the HRC auction last week. (WILL and GRACE enter, walking up to MINION, FANNIE LIEBER's assistant.) You win this huge thing at an auction, and you think of me? Do I have to kick in? All family portraits, and I'm thinkin' since my parents are splitting up, and I haven't been able to sit on a couch with my brothers since the invention of the noogie, that. The picture is gonna appear in her next coffee table book. WILL: Well, anyway, here's the cool part. but you couldn't, 'cause she's Martha Stewart, you know. She once took a picture of Martha Stewart when she wasn't selling anything. Ooh! Guess what I got at the silent auction?! I won a photo session with Fannie Lieber. JACK: Ok, uh, I'm gonna tell you guys again, ok? I didn't have a cute little tank top and shorts to wear. GRACE: It's a gay and lesbian advocacy group. It's HRC, the Human Rights Campaign, not HRC, the Health and Racket Club. I wanted to, but I just didn't have a cute little tank top and shorts to wear. WILL: Jack, where were you? You were supposed to go to the HRC dinner with me. I'm thanking you in the program under the pseudonym "Citizens of New York." How do I put this? She's as good an assistant. JACK: So I was thinking of asking Karen, and that's why I'm here. ![]() Anyway, I can do it, and the reason I'm here is because I need a lovely assistant. When I was a kid, I used to lock myself in my room with handcuffs. GRACE: Jack, I did not know that you know magic. I don't- Was it- I- Was that a joke? 'Cause-that's fine. This weekend, my new show opens at the Duplex, and this year, I'm giving my fans something I know they're dying for. GRACE: Hey, I was just watching a special: "The Ten Greatest Bathrooms in the World." They were just about to do number two. JACK: Ok, huge news! Gather round! Where's everybody? Are you the only one here? Where's Will? Not here? Ok, that's fine. ![]()
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